Accustomed to reaching new heights in gymnastics, Simone Biles had a low moment after the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.
In an interview for the cover of February’s Vanity Fair, the most decorated gymnast of all time said her experience with the dreaded “twisties” — and the related mental health issues she faced — resulted in a landing far from perfect following the competition.
“I wish I could sit here and tell you it was glorious,” Biles, 26, told the magazine about her two-year hiatus from international competition. “When I took a break after 2016, I had the time of my life. I was doing anything and everything. But after 2020, it was kind of depressing until I started therapy and got help. I felt like a failure.”
She continued, “Even though I was empowering so many people and speaking out about mental health, every time I talked about my experience in Tokyo — because it obviously didn’t go the way that I had planned — it stung a little bit. But all in all, it was the best decision.”
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Yet the public narrative which put Biles on a “pedestal as a mental-health advocate” didn’t sit well with the athlete.
“I was not okay with that,” she said. “If I can be a lending hand and help people, then I’ll be open, honest, and vulnerable, but you cannot stick me in front of a crowd and say, ‘Do everything she’s doing.’ ”
SInce her time away from the sport, Biles went on to find personal success away from the mat — marrying Green Bay Packers safety Jonathan Owens last spring — as she gradually mapped a course back to the floor.
In October, the superstar gymnast won her sixth all-around world championship gold in Belgium, and grabbed the record for most international gymnastics medals in the history of the sport.
With her confidence in check and the acknowledgment last year that she has overcome a fear twisting and becoming disoriented in mid-air — which was what forced her to pull out of the team competition and later, all-around events at the Tokyo Olympics — Biles is ready for the Summer Olympics, if that should come to pass.
“If I don’t make it to Paris, it won’t absolutely crush me,” she told Vanity Fair.
Last summer, Biles gave a glimpse about her plans when she spoke with PEOPLE about her comeback and her possible renewed Olympic dream.
“Well, in the future, goodness, I feel like Paris is always a good topic to go to, but I think right now, I’m just going to live in the now,” Biles told PEOPLE. “I just did Classics and Championships and I’m out here competing again when I never thought I would be competing, especially back to the same level and having the same confidence.”
